


coming out

by transbuck



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, for everyone else who hcs buck as trans. this is for u boo :blows kisses:
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-04 03:49:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18335594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transbuck/pseuds/transbuck
Summary: Logically, Buck knows that he's got nothing to be worried about. But he just can't help but be a little bit terrified.or, two different ways i could see buck coming out to eddie bc im indecisive and couldnt choose Just One to write





	coming out

**Author's Note:**

> oh hey wassup, president of the Trans Buck Club here. an anon over on tumblr suggested i Finally get to writing buck coming out to eddie, and i was like. yknow what. thats a fantastic idea. i gotta get off my ass and Provide some of that lovely trans buck content for all the members of the Trans Buck Club. and i've got two different ways that i could see buck coming out, and because i'm indecisive as hell, i've decided to write Both of them so yall can pick your fav or w/e  
> anyway. come yell at me on tumblr @diazbuckley about all your trans buck hcs cause yall already kno that im ALWAYS down to talk about that

It's not like Buck's intentionally keeping secrets from Eddie or anything. He's just not quite ready to come out to anyone again. The last time he came out to anyone resulted in radio silence from his father for the past nearly ten years and it's given his mother yet another thing to use against him in comparing him to his sister. Now, logically, he knows that Eddie won't be perturbed by the fact that he's trans. They've only been together for a few months at this point, and he doesn't feel like they're at the point where he'd need to at least mention it—he hasn't felt comfortable yet to take his shirt off around Eddie, and they've both decided to wait a little while before talking about finally having sex. Everything's great, and going at his own pace. Until it isn't.

Buck had invited Eddie over for the evening so they could spend some quality alone time together—Christopher's at Shannon's for the weekend and they both finally have the same night off. Buck had expected the evening to be nice and romantic, complete with cuddles and maybe also some lazy make outs, if he played his cards right. But instead, it's been... Awkward. Tense. Eddie's been shying away from Buck all night, sitting up straight on the opposite end of the couch. Buck can't help but worry that he did something wrong.

Just as Buck's trying to figure out what he could have done to make Eddie upset with him, Eddie himself says something. "I think we need to talk."

Buck's stomach drops immediately at that. This is it, he thinks. Eddie's decided that Buck's too messed up for him and that Buck's not worth his time. Buck had expected this conversation sooner, and he's a little surprised that Eddie's managed to put up with him for as long as he has. "What..." Buck trails off to lick his lips, his throat suddenly feeling completely dried out. "What about?"

Eddie lets out a tired sounding sigh, finally turning to look at Buck for the first time all evening. "I think you know exactly what about," Eddie says carefully after a moment.

"Are you... You're breaking up with me, aren't you?" Buck asks, and he winces when he hears his voice crack.

"I don't know," Eddie replies, and he looks like he's trying to hold back emotions, though Buck can't tell if he's holding back sadness or anger. He's not sure which would hurt more. "I'd like to work through this, but I... I'm not sure if we'll be able to."

Buck sits up a little more at that, brows furrowing a bit in confusion. "Work through  _what_? Babe, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Don't lie to me, Buck," Eddie says harshly. "The weekly phone calls? You always rushing off the  _second_ your phone goes off? Listen, if you don't want to be with me, just  _tell_ me. Don't sneak around behind my back like this. Don't do this to me."

Buck feels like he's on an emotional roller coaster right about now. He's gone from sad to confused to sad again and now he's right back at confusion. "What weekly phone calls? I don't get weekly phone calls."

"Don't play dumb with me. Same day and same time every single week, you get a phone call and rush out of the room, and then you're gone for, like, ten minutes without any sort of explanation."

Buck blinks once, twice, three times as he tries to figure out what the hell Eddie's talking about. Suddenly, he figures it out. He never quite accounted for his weekly alarms tipping Eddie off to a capital-S something being off. He's had the alarm going for so long now, nearly a decade, that he honestly doesn't even think about it anymore. It's just a Thing that happens, a friendly reminder to take his injection before his emotions start to get all out of wack and he starts getting all grouchy. He sputters for a moment, running his hand over his hair as he tries to figure out what to say. "I— babe. Those aren't phone calls. Those are  _alarms_."

Eddie stares at him with wide eyes for a moment. After a while he groans and buries his face in his hands. "God, I am  _such_ an idiot."

Buck shakes his head, moves closer to Eddie and rests a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Hey, no, it's okay. You're not an idiot, I can totally see how you'd think those were phone calls." He moves his arms to wrap around Eddie's waist loosely, setting his chin on Eddie's shoulder. He presses an absent kiss to the side of Eddie's face. "I'd never do that to you, babe," he whispers, a little bit more serious now. Part of him is grateful that Eddie hasn't asked what the alarms are actually for. He's not sure he'd be able to even find the right words to use.

"So, what are the alarms for then?" Eddie asks after a moment, and Buck curses his mind for jinxing himself. "I mean. It seems a little random, having an alarm set for the same time every week."

Buck slowly pulls away from Eddie, brain scrambling to try and figure out what to say because holy shit is he unprepared for this, he hasn't taken the time to consider how he was even gonna approach the subject in the first place, and now he has to come up with something on the spot. His palms feel sweaty and he can feel himself start to shake, and all of a sudden, he's 18 again and sitting down with his parents, trying to get his damned vocal chords to work. He shakes his head to himself to try and clear those bad memories, looks down at his hands as he wrings them nervously together. He can feel Eddie's heavy gaze on him and it's making him feel a little more scared. He tries to drown out the little voice in his head that tells him that Eddie's going to think he's a freak by forcing himself to just say something, _anything_. "Jesus. Okay. Um. The, uh, the alarms. They are... God, where do I even start?"

Eddie sets a gentle hand on Buck's shoulder, gives it a light squeeze. "Buck, honey, it's okay. Take your time," he whispers, and somehow, the contact and the words helps calm Buck right down.

Buck takes a deep breath, shuts his eyes for a moment. "Shit. Okay. I don't know how to, like, y'know...  _Say_ this. So I'm just gonna, um, I'm just gonna come right out and say it. I'm... I'm trans." The moment he gets the words out, he feels like a giant weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He feels really proud of himself for exactly ten seconds, because Eddie's silent for more than ten seconds, and Buck is about to panic. He's getting horrible, awful, terrible flashbacks to when he came out to his parents. Tears sting the corners of his eyes when he remembers how his father had stared him down before getting up and silently leaving the room.

Just as Buck's about to break down or run out of the room or both, Eddie's  _finally_ breaking the almost painful silence. "Thank you so much for telling me," he murmurs, squeezing Buck's shoulder a little, and Buck can't help it when the tears start flowing. "Hey, hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing, just..." Buck trails off a little, shaking his head to himself and sniffling. "It's just that that's exactly what Maddie told me when I came out to her." He finally looks back over at Eddie, and his heart melts when he sees the look that Eddie's sending him.

"Can I hug you?" Eddie asks after a moment. Buck doesn't quite trust his voice to work, so he just nods. The moment Eddie pulls him into his arms, Buck rests his head on Eddie's chest, breathes in Eddie's scent. He tries not to cry too much, but he can't help it. He's just so relieved. "I am so incredibly proud of you," Eddie murmurs into Buck's hair, a hand rubbing his back gently. "You are so incredibly brave and strong, not just for telling me, but for making it here. Making it as far into your transition as you have. I'm so lucky to be able to call you mine."

Buck sniffles, wipes uselessly at the tears in his eyes. It's no use, though, they just keep coming. "Thank you."

"What're you thanking me for?"

"For being so amazing. For making me feel like I'm not some broken thing."

"Oh, honey," Eddie murmurs, gently nudges Buck away from his chest. He gently cups Buck's cheek before leaning forward and pressing the gentlest of kisses to Buck's lips. "You're not broken. You were never broken."

Buck smiles at that. He doesn't know what else to say, so he just leans forward and kisses Eddie again, beyond grateful to have this wonderfully sweet and supportive man in his life.


End file.
